I may return later for the evening newspaper. I've asked gran if I can borrow her hearing aid. 'Ant for short' isn't the only one around here who can spout self-aggrandising claptrap to an unseen subordinate.
Dad says I'm being ridiculous and that checkout girl will know I'm just talking to myself. He forgets that acting is in my blood. At school I was once cast as the lead in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
On this occasion I've chosen to ignore mum's inquiry regarding how one goes about successfully playing the part of a coat.